| Worried/Rant |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|09:44 am] |
OK, so I know that I haven't written in a looooonnnnnnng time, and a ton has happened since the last time I did, but I am really really worried about the state of this country. Before I go off on my rant, I want to put out the disclaimer, that i do not think that the liberals or their candidate have the perfect idea, but it is a HELL of a lot better than the conservative candidates. First of all, "Mavericks" not so much! Yes, they are different, but McCain voted ~ 90% with Bush during the last eight years, a Maverick that does not make.
His "Vice president," who is the essence of what I feel is the worst woman, bossy, pushy, and closed minded, is only a "Maverick" because she has NO Washington experience (Obama has a least a little) and is hated by her own state. She is just lucky that the incumbent was more hated. And saying that she isn't going to Washington to "make friends" is just a ploy to get votes from the stupid people who don't know that she will either not be efficient, because it is all you-scratch-my-back in Washington, OR she WILL make friends once she is elected, because none of the stupid people who thinks that she is serious will remember that in eight years when she runs for President.
Yes, she is from a small town, unlike McCain and Obama, but in her damn speech last night she emphasized all the bad and backwards parts of American small town living. The point of these DAMN BEINGS and the reason I am WORKING MY ASS OFF is to go FORWARD, not fucking back. She stated in 2006 that not only is she against abortion, EVEN IF THE GIRL WAS RAPED, but she would never ever support "sex-ed" classes, and would only support abstinence programs. No wonder her freaking daughter is pregnant, another problem (teenage pregnancy and kids having kids) that she will do nothing to help. She is against a large welfare system, but not ok with population control... So the stupid people in this country will continue to breed more stupid people, because there is no way people are going to stop having sex. The way to go FORWARD is to stop breeding when the parents can't take care of the child and pay for simple things like a house, cloths, and education! Once the parents have open their minds through new experiences and such. Also, I have a huge huge huge problem with the government telling me that it is wrong that I take birth control and use condoms. It is none of their fucking business whether I choose to have sex or not, and it is not their right to force me to have a child when there are safe preventative methods out there, once again with the wanting to go FORWARD. If you can't tell, while the abortion thing upsets me GREATLY, the sex-ed thing is REALLY PISSING ME OFF.
Also, the woman says that Obama doesn't care about small town American cause he is ridiculing them on their religion and there guns. HE IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIGHT!!! Small town people are the salt of the Earth (this is Emily talking), they are hard working and, normally, very nice hospitable people. The thing that makes most of the small town people pawns in the political game, AND makes me call them the "stupid people" is there unshaking faith in an oppressive religion and their belief that it is the "only way to live." Also the gun thing, hunting fine, hand gun bad. Guns are the single most stupid and disgustingly impersonal weapon. If you want to carry a weapon, carry a knife for god sake. Chances of you meeting someone who knows how to handle it better than you if it falls into the wrong hands are slim. Also, unless you are very very good, you have to be close to kill someone. And one more thing, cause this has been bugging me, the VIRGINIA TECH SHOOTINGS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF EVERYONE HAD A GUN ON CAMPUS. He changed the doors quietly while people were in class. The first room was dead in 20 secs, the second in a 30, the third a few seconds later... the whole ordeal only lasted 2.5 minutes, and one of them he was banging in the door that the professor held shut. In that safe space it would have taken at least a minute for someone to react, and if someone was so trigger happy that it would have been less, then I wouldn't have wanted to be in class with them. How are you suppose to learn and feel safe when the person next to you has a handgun that he/she can get to in less then a minute and be ready to fire to kill in two. The only exception is military personal, but even then. Also, I ANOTHER way humanity goes forward is with courts, not "an eye for an eye." Yes, if it was to stop him killing others, fine, but once someone would have had a gun, and been in a place to shoot him, the rooms were already barricaded, and after 2.5 minutes (150 seconds), he shot himself. The STUPID people who say if we were all armed it wouldn't have happened are either too trigger happy, don't understand what it is like to be in a situation like that, where you need at least 30 seconds to process what is going on, or both.
OK, that is enough ranting for now, I have other things to do, but as this election goes on, there will probably be more. I am so sick of seeing this country go backwards, when in order to say with the world, it needs to say the voice of West influence and forward thinking... or else I don't want to think of what this country will be once the Asian influence in 100 years comes rushing in...
I would like to say I am a second away from quitting, but I can't unfortunately... I might wipe out the world and start over again though ;-) Don't you think I won't.
Emily/Serena |
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| Update |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|08:42 am] |
Well, it has been an very long time since the last time I posted anything, so I think it is high time I update. The funny thing though is the fact that I am posting the day before a test, when I keep telling myself the reason for not posting is because I am too busy. Busy... that would define me this semester (like every semester) only Physics is taking up more time then O Chem ever did... mainly because I understand it less... it doesn't click. My other classes aren't doing as well as I would like either... I once again only have 13 credits because I seem not to be able to handle 16 well. I am a very slow reader and I just never can find the time with all the other classes, but I am going to have to learn, cause from here on out I have to take 16 credits, especially if I switch my major.
There really is no "if" when the talk of switching my major comes up, it always seems to be a "when." I now know completely that I do not want to be a biologist. Yes, I love biology and find aspects of it very interesting, but that can not make a career. I don't like the way that biology is going... especially behavioral biology. It is all hormones, DNA, and genetics. The funding is going to the way that those three things and show behavior, trying to find a soul with hormones and genetics. That is NOT for me, and I want no part in it.
The problem now lies in the fact that I don't know what I want to do. I know that I could go into fisheries and enjoy it, and make money. But I also know that I want to be a teacher at some point (fisheries won't be for me for more then like ten years). I know that I don't like the idea of fisheries forever because I don't like the higher jobs for it. The ones that you need a doctorate for. The idea of being a teacher give me a smile when I think about it... course I know that it is a hard job, and I will be asking myself why I got myself into this (having to deal with students like my twin)... but I fell that I am so passionate about history, that I will be able to love my job, cause I love what I teach. And there in lies the problem... the fact that I like two completely different things, and don't know which one to make the hobbie and which one to make the career. The only thing that I know for sure is I will NOT be waiting tables for the rest of my life.
Work is well... work. Being a waitress is like being on a self-confidence rollarcoaster... at least for me. Sometimes I am on, and I'm making money, and even if a table doesn't tip me well... that is ok cause I know they are jerks, and I did my best for them. But bad days are BAD days, and that is enough about them. I make around $110-150 a week and work 12-18 hours. It is just about what I wanted, I just forget that I am making that much until I look at my budget. I always seem to be taking off the really good nights though... oh well.
Ok, so I have been through school, career, work... like always there is a lot more to life then that, but that is all we have time for today... I'll sign on again when I can. |
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| One week |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|09:00 pm] |
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One week until I am no longer able to say I am a kid... but the party will be fun :-) |
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| Ten Layer (Damn this took a long time) |
[Oct. 3rd, 2005|07:29 pm] |
Procrastinating again... this one will take a while
LAYER ONE:
Name: Emily/Serena
Birth date: October 11th
Birthplace: This time Austin TX
Current Location: Blacksburg VA
Eye Color: Hazel (blue, green, brown)
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'7"
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Libra
LAYER TWO:
Your heritage: English, German, Irish (just a bit)
The shoes you wore today: Flip Flops (of course)
Your weakness: Wouldn't you like to know
Your fears: And give you all an advantage, I don't think so
Your perfect pizza: Sausage, Mushrooms, Olives
Goal you'd like to achieve: Be happy
LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on IM: lol
Your thoughts first waking up today: "Wow, I sure didn't sleep much last night."
Your best physical feature: Eyes
Your most missed memory: Walking down in my blue ballgown and the love of my life waiting to escort me at the bottom of the stairs
LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi or Diet Coke
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or group dates: Dating... definately dating
Adidas or Nike: Adidas (Nike is made by international child labor)
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: Caramel
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino, the more milk, the better tasting
LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: Quit, but I only smoked socially so it wasn't that big of a deal
Cuss: when I get pissed, frustrated, upset, etc.
Sing: around trusted people and to myself
Take a shower everyday: either everyday, or every other
Do you think you've been in love: ... once... hopefully again
Want to go to college: I'm currently in college, but don't want "to go" to it
Like(d) high school: Not really, there were highlights
Want to get married: Yes
Believe in yourself: Depends
Get motion sickness: Depends
Think you're attractive: Sometimes... I have attractive qualities... I would call myself a 6.5-7
Think you're a health freak: No, but trying to become more healthy
Get along with your parent(s): Yes, my mom and I fight a decent amount of time... but that is normal... right?
Like thunderstorms: Yes, they are exciting
Play an instrument: Used to
LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Yes
Smoked: nope :-)
Done a drug: Nope
Made Out: Yep
Gone on a date: Define date...
Gone to the mall?: Yes, shopping too much
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No. Never have, not a big fan
Eaten sushi: Love the stuff... Yum Yum
Been on stage: I don't think so
Been dumped: Nope
Gone skating: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! So much fun
Made homemade cookies: nope
Gone skinny dipping: Not in the last month, but I have plenty of times before
Dyed your hair: Nope, but plan on rehightling it again
Stolen anything: I don't think so
LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
If so, was it mixed company: Yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Check
Been caught "doing something": Yes
Been called a tease: Yes... it is one of the top personality traits I like about myself
Gotten beaten up: I don't think that is any of yalls business
Shoplifted: Define Shoplifting
Changed who you were to fit in: When I was a teenager
LAYER EIGHT:
Age you hope to be married: 25-30
Numbers and Names of Children: 3-5, Kathleen Elisabeth is one, I like Samantha Ann, and I would like to have a boy named James.
Describe your Dream Wedding: All depends on the husband... more interested in marriage then wedding
Where you want to go to college: Not sure about that yet
What do you want to be when you grow up: Really not sure about that... thinking HS teacher
What country would you most like to visit: Italy
LAYER NINE
Opposite sex (or the same?) Opposites attract (I know it is tacky, but so am I)
Best eye color? Green
Best hair color? Black (if have green eyes)
Short or long hair: Long to longish, I like the shaggy, or to the ears cut
Best Height? 6' to 6' 4"
Best weight: wieght is relative, I like defined arms, musclar back, flat stomach, but not a big fan of a six-pack, cause I like a bit of a pillow
Best articles of clothing: Tight pants and taylored shirts... if not that, then cammo pants and black tee
Best first date location: The Swings
Best first kiss location: TAMGU Dorm C Laundry Room
LAYER TEN:
Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
Number of people I could trust with my life: Other then family... 2 and they know who they are
Number of CDs that I own: ~70
Number of piercings: 2
Number of tattoos: None yet
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: ~ 6-7
Number of scars on my body: Innumerable. I have scars everywhere.
Number of things in my past that I regret: We don't need to go into that
In addition....FIRSTS:
* FIRST JOB: Intern at a politcal advertising firm
* FIRST SCREEN NAME: EKSmitty
* FIRST SELF-PURCHASED CD: goodness... ahhhhh... I actually think it was somekind of boy/band thing
* FIRST PIERCING/TATTOO: 13, Ears
* FIRST ENEMY: Katie Beans
LASTS:
* LAST KISS: T.J. not too long ago
* LAST LIBRARY BOOK: The Management Stragtegy for Leatherback Sea Turtles
* LAST MOVIE SEEN: in theaters... Brother's Grimm... yeah... not my favorite
* LAST BEVERAGE DRANK: Shirley Temple
* LAST FOOD CONSUMED: Ribeye and Shrimp (went out for dinner)
* LAST PHONE CALL: Jen I think
* LAST CD PLAYED: 90s techno music
* LAST ANNOYANCE: Certain people thinking that they are better then everything and everybody
* LAST SODA DRINK: Diet Coke
* LAST ICE CREAM EATEN: I think Butter Pecan
* LAST TIME SCOLDED: yeah, absolutely no idea
* LAST SHIRT WORN: My work uniform
I:
* I AM: not the kind of person who is good at answering this
* I WANT: too many things
* I HAVE: many blessings
* I WISH: to have my work ethic back (and not fill out stuff like this
* I HATE: too many things
* I FEAR: eyedrops and being alone
* I HEAR: Fewer and fewer things
* I SEARCH: for my other half.
* I WONDER: if I'll ever find him.
* I REGRET: not going into that
* I LOVE: the inner cirlce and food
* I ALWAYS: try to be happy
* I AM NOT: a simple person
* I DANCE: like no one is watching
* I SING: everywhere I go. Sometimes in Elvish. (copied from my sister)
* I CRY: when no one is watching. (Or at least I try)
FAVORITES:
* NUMBER: 8
* COLOR: blue
* DAY: Friday
* MONTH: April
* SONG(S): "Don't wanna miss a thing" -Aeorsmith
* SEASON: Spring
* DRINK: not sure anymore... white Russian was the old favorite |
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| Party Problems |
[Sep. 27th, 2005|11:35 pm] |
OK, so I am having this HUGE birthday party for my 21st birthday. I'm inviting everybody, I just haven't gotten the word out yet because I still don't know what day it is. For my planning over the last few months, I planned to have the party on the 15th. It was not a football game, so I wouldn't have to compete with those parties, and it is the weekend directly after my birthday.
After telling a few people about it though, enough said that they were going home that weekend, that I decided to change it to the 22nd, the weekend that I was planning on going home. Well...my folks can't have me come down the weekend of the 15th and 16th... I have already told people that the party is on the 22, but I need to go home so I can talk to my folks about the whole major change thing... I don't want to have the party on Halloween weekend, cause there will be parties everywhere, and I don't want to worry about looking sexy in a costume... and it is getting a little close for the 15th, and I want my close friends to be able to come... maybe I should just cancel it :-(
Any advise would be appreciated.
Emily |
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| Much needed Update |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|01:16 pm] |
OK... so I know that I have been a little late with the updates, I have just been really busy. I can't believe that a month of classes has gone by. I still miss summer soooo much. And this summer sucked. I just hate school. I'm either burnt out, hate biology, or both. Anyways, one of the reasons that I have not been updating at all is because I once again started a "Thoughts" journal, of just random strings of thoughts I have that I write in it when I'm bored in class, or really need to get what I am thinking down on paper. There are a couple of entries that I want to post, and when I do, I will post them for the day that I had them, so look after this post for them. Really the only reason that I have the time to Update now is because I am in between classes, and I decided that I don't feel like reading/studying for once. I am currently in AJ's (that is a dorm for all you non-VT friends) computer lab, since it is right near Deitrick where I got the idea. I will have to leave in ten to fifteen to walk to my class on the other side of the building.
So... I guess I should try to do a quick update. I realized that I don't like biology, or at least not the direction it is going. I absolutly can't stand my Ethology class (which I am dropping), and it is basically animal behavior, and I wanted to study animal behavior in marine mammels or cephlopods (squid and octupus). Not anymore! I no longer have any idea what-so-ever of what I want to do. I have no idea what is going to make me happy, what I want to do with my life, where I will be in five years. I know that for many people this is normal, but this is very new to me. I am almost 21 and I have no fucking idea what I will be doing and where I will be when I'm 23, I don't even know if I will be in science, history, or neither. I HATE this. I don't even know if I will be out of school (probably not if I stay even another semester).
Now that that is out there, we can go to another aspect of my life... work is the one that springs to mind first. You know, the first thing people as you is "How's school?" and after that it is "How's work?" Well, work is ok... it is very hard. I knew it would be, but the people down here suck a tipping, I'm luckly if I get 10%. I am making money, but spending faster, something that I know is my fault, and I need to work on. I clash horribly with some of the experienced people who work there, but get along great with others, I'm mainly on an aquantience basis with everyone, since most of them all hang out after work (aka party together and such). Since I am not in their "group" (and not sure if I want to be cause I have my own friends and they are a little drama filled for me), I am kinda like an outcast. It is a lot like Wesley, where people realize that I am there, and they talk to me, I'm even friends with a few, but I clash with a lot of the (girls) that are in the "social" group and am therefore an outsider. The biggest difference between the two is Texas pays a lot better.
Anyways, that is all I can do now, got to go to work. \
Emily |
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| Work during the semester |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|01:34 am] |
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OK, so the manager that does the schedule definately has me down for at least 20 hours a week. The only day that I am not working is Wednesday. I'll wait and see if I can handle all of the extra hours. I need the money, but school is the most important thing. This means that every minute I have to myself I need to do something. Whether it be reading a few more pages, getting a chore done, or something like that. Hanging out with friends is definately something that I will try to plan in, and I will always need some alone time, but I won't have any more time to just goof around like I did last year. |
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| Story/Memory |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|04:41 pm] |
This is a story I wrote in History class freshman year of high school. I had to write a story that had to do with a glimpse into a person in the middle age's life. I read it again last weekend when I was home and went through my old writing. I think that it is interesting, and I know that a few of you who read this will find it very interesting.
A diary entry of Annabelle Faith Trainer,
Dearest Diary,
Oh, I must tell you about the great feast that I went to today. Jonathan, my father's squire and I came with Father to Lord Daniel's daughter's wedding. Diary, I have never been to such a feast. There was venison, beef, boars head, sucking pigs, cow tongue, cranes, larks, swans, etc. The food just kept coming and coming. I sat at a table with an older knight, he was very nice. Father was nearby though, keeping a tight watch on me. He kept looking at me to make sure that I was behaving properly, he sill thinks I'm seven, when I'm almost twelve.
Greg was there too!!! He had to stand at another table, near Sir Andrew, since he is his squire, but I got to dance with him once dancing started. Of course, father had no objections to me dancing with my brother. I miss him so much, but he said that he would come home for Christmas. Matthew was there too, but I didn't dance with him, he just stood in the back. I thought maybe, after six years with Sir Baltin, he might develop life and a sense of humor, but no, he is still as dreary as always. He is worse then father in terms of telling me what to do, thank goodness Greg saved me from the conversation. I just hope that my oldest brother learns to laugh before he dies.
Not only was the food good, but there was also excellent entertainment. There were jesters and musicians, and all of Lord Daniel's knights said jokes or stories. Of course, my father told an excellent story about a battle he was in with Lord Daniel in France, but Lord Baltin said a joke that made everyone in the room turn purple with laughter. I thought my insides would burst. I could tell my father was greatly enjoying himself, and I think I even saw Matthew smirk, maybe there is still hope.
Oh Diary, I wish you could have seen Lady Julie's wedding gown, it was so beautiful. When I get married I want a train that will be as long as the cathedral. Well, I am very tired and the candle is about to go out, so goodnight.
-Anna |
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| Back in Blacksburg |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|01:03 pm] |
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Hey, I'm back in Blacksburg after the beach. Will probably leave in a few days again, cause I now have to take my stupid broken computer back to NOVA, but just an FYI that as of now, I am back. |
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| Giving up |
[Jul. 31st, 2005|01:20 am] |
So this is not a happy post. I am giving up the idea that Robbie and I will ever be anything more then friends that like each other. It is obvious that he does not want a relationship right now. While there is no doubt in my mind that he both likes my personality and finds me attractive, there is also no doubt in my mind that at the present he is going to put no effort in seeing me. While this is a little disappointing, I'm ok. While I plan on still continueing to "see" Robbie, I currently think of myself as just as single as i was four weeks ago. I will still continue to look for a relationship. That I think is the biggest reason that I'm not too upset, because we just want different things, I want a relationship. I'm not going to rush one, but I am going to try to at least get involved in something that is going down that path, not sitting on a bench next to it.
I'm going to the beach for the next week... maybe I will think of something profound then.
Emily |
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| Computer is staying broken |
[Jul. 26th, 2005|01:00 pm] |
Well, thank goodness that this is saved on the internet. Now I am on Harry's computer. This is truelly very frustrating. I sent my computer somewhere to be fixed yesterday, but the infurerating student at the tech desk in the bookstore said that I will probably need a new operating system. When he told me that I was going to lose everything on my computer, I was short of breathe. I knew that the posbility was always there, but I guess I just never really imagined it. I know that I should have backed up months ago, and I tried, but the CD writer on my computer wouldn't work, and I just thought that I would deal with it later. What really upsets me is the students lack of sympathy. "Really it isn't that big of a deal. Just look at it as a lesson to always backup." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I could have killed him right there. Just cause I'm not good with computers doesn't mean that you can treat me like a five year old. I know more about history and human nature then he will ever know. Sorry for not devoting myself to understanding some machine. And I'm sorry I will be upset that the holder of the pieces of the past two years of my life is gone. Thank you very much.
That is all |
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| Broken Computer |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|09:58 pm] |
OK, so my compueter is broken. I am writing this on my friend Pammy's computer before we go out to the Nerv for a night of fun filled dancing. I am also slightly under the influence, so I really have no idea what I am typing. This entry will probably be deleted later. Hopefully, I'll find away to fix my computer and will be able to post regularly. when I think of all that I have wanted to post this summer and haven't it shocks me. the fact is, there is so much on my mind, not even my closest friends know, and like they would care. I love them and I know that they love me, but I always feel like I am bothering them, or that they don't want me in my life. I must restate for my kin, Serena is not worried at all. I, Emily Kathleen Smith, am worried. To be truthful, nothing good is meant to last for me. Nothing ever turns out well. I don't know why, maybe that is how life is supposed to be, and if it is, I want no part in it. Yes, currently, from an outsiders perspcetive, my life would be fine. I have wonderful friends who seem to care about me, I'm dating a great guy, who also seems to care, but with my luck in a couple of weeks he will decide there is no "spark," and my good friends will no longer want anything to do with me. It is just a matter of time. I no longer have any faith. I have just enough in my twin borther, and frankly, part of me is expecting anyday for him to tell me to piss off and solve my own problems. I bother him enough, I would expect it. I don't know. All I know is that I am depressed, while I might not look it I am. And I'm not just saying this to get attention, I really don't care if you all care, but then again, maybe I do. I know longer know anything. I give up thinking. Just one last statement.
Everyone thinks that I am always so open and honest, and you can tell what I am thinking, but they all forget that I took drama, and I am even getting good enough to decieve my sister and brother.
I want someone to come and take over. I'm sick of everything. I can't trust anyone but two people, and I think I am exhausting them with my phone calls twice a week. I don't know what I want anymre... no that is a lie, I know what I want, but I will never have it. I just want the dreams and thoughts to STOP!!!! The ones of my soulmate, and the life we will never have, and the ones of the demon, and the life that I could be persuaded into. Make the dreams stop.
and now I am officially insane and drunk!!
Emily |
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| First Date |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|12:26 am] |
So tonight was a great night. At the beginning of the day, I thought I was going to finish out the week working, but it was a slow night, so I took another server's offer to take my later shift, and I would take his and leave early. I was out by 8:00, and called Robbie, a guy who asked for my number at work, and called me a couple days ago. I am a little busy at night (working), so I didn't know when/if we would get together anytime soon, but since I got out early, I called him.
Anyway, he wanted to get together. I was kinda dreading it, because I am kinda of a different person at work, and I have never gone out with a townie before. But he was really great. He lives at home, but in a basement apartment that is really nice, and he says that he is saving for a house. He is a great Southern gentlemen, opening doors and paying, and stuff. He is also definatly a Southern Virginian. He has two trucks and speaks with a very Southern accent (and mine comes out when I'm with him).
The best part is where he took me :-) We went and got ice cream, and then went to a play ground :-) We sat on the swings for an hour or so and talked. We talked about a lot of things. It was weird how we are so alike. We both try to stay as relaxed as possible, we both like the outdoors, etc. I know it was a first date, and (hopefully) many more to come, and I will find something I don't like. Anyway, he promised to take me four wheeling and teach me how to change the oil on my car. I still can't believe that I went to a playground and played on a swing during a date. I didn't have to pretend to like something, I could really be myself.
After the park, we went back to his place (where my car was), and talked on his back porch for a bit. He has a really nice big yard, and the lightning bugs were everywhere. I was almost falling asleep, I was so relaxed. He really needed to go to bed after a bit, since he has to get up to work at 5:30. Then he walked me back to the car, and I left.
The one frustrating thing is no good-bye kiss, or holding hands or anything. If it wasn't for the fact that he seemed really interesting in seeing me again, and we talked a bit about old relationships, It would kinda have been like getting to know a good friend. Maybe that is how a first date is suppose to be like. I have had very few of them. A lot of relationships but very few "first dates." Plus, the waiting will only make it better, and I have to wait a bit, cause we have a good guy on our hands.
Anyway, that's it... all in all a great night. Off on Friday for Columbus for the weekend. Night yall.
Emily |
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| Back from Tennessee |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
OK, so I'm back in Blacks burg after a two day excertion to TN to visit my big sis, aka Ev. I had a BLAST!!!!! There is really nothing to do in Kingsport, TN but we found things to amuse ourselves. My sister's apartment is a great size for one person (it is two bedrooms and two full baths). In the morning after I would get up and wander the apartment, I wondered what it would be like if I lived with her. When I mentioned this to her later she replied, "Nothing would be sacred." How right she is. The only thing apart her apartment that is disappointing is the 9" tv that she has in her living room. Impossible to really see the movie unless you are sitting two ft from it. When I shared my disapproval of such a small entertainment cnter, she replied that she is saving for a huge flatscreen tv which is $1400. I now understand why she is saving.
Thursday evening was spent in the mall while we shopped for suits for her, and just clothes for me. My sister looks really sexy in suits. I insisted that she buy one that is a skirt and jacket, and the skirt fits her so well, that with some heels, she is one of the sexiest business women I have ever seen. I tried on a few things, one black halter dress in particular that looked amazing on me (if I do say so myself). But I knew that I did not have the $55 to buy it. I explained to my sister later, that if I was in need of a sexy black cocktail dress, then I would have bought it... but I am not, and the fifty dollars needs to be spent on other things... my twin brother would be proud.
Later that night, after dining at a pretty decent Italian restaurant, we just layed on her bed and talked. Skoyli and Sidabra talked for a bit, making fun of certain high ups that they probably shouldn't have. Then the infamous "six pies left" prank was planned. My abs still hurt from laughing. I shall not explain it anymore, for it will take away from the inside joke factor.
I truelly needed the break. The fact that I will probably not see my sister for more then a month is more then I can bare. We plan to run up big phone bills and such, but luckly she is a friend, like my brother, that I trust more then words, and know that I will see again.
And finally, I was worried all weekend of spending too much, but it turns out I am still ahead in money... And now I need to get dressed so I can go to work and make more.
Emily/Serena |
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| Another Change |
[Jun. 30th, 2005|10:33 pm] |
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Another layout change, from another night procrastinating... I really need to work on this work ethic thing. |
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| Sex Talk |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|02:20 am] |
God I'm horny! Had a sex talk with Pammy, Harry, and Brian. Partners were talked about, sorry to all of you reading this that have been with me. I only talked about a few of you, so if you were really good or really bad, you were probably talked about. No worries though.
Anyways, from this talk, I have become very horny, and since I have somewhat sworn off hook-ups that won't go anywhere, I have no idea when the next time I'm going to get some is. I know that I sound like a slut right now, but I think that I just have a healthy sex appitite. I haven't had anything for five weeks, and while I know some of you have gone longer... I know most of you masturbate, so you have that. My lack of masturbation is my own fault, but for some reason I don't find it gradifying. I just chalk it up to enough of you being so good, that I know you can do much better.
That's about it. Just though I should let you know that I am horny. If a guy that I was even remotely attracted to came into my room tonight, I would probably hook up with him. If that makes me a slut, then so be it.
Serena/Emily |
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| Conversation |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|12:45 am] |
"I just want someone to come along and tell me what to do." -Me
"OK, I'm telling you..." -Dan
"No, not you." - Me
"Oh, so it is someone in particular that you want to come along." -Dan
...
On further reflexation, you are more right then you know... and this truth troubles me. I must not go back to old habits, but am losing strength. |
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| Alone |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|12:02 am] |
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Saw a movie today. Made me cry for an hour and a half. No one there. No one. Completely alone. Might as well never happened. Giving up. No more crying alone. Just makes me cry more. |
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| Update |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|11:34 pm] |
OK, so here is an update on my life.
Work is going ok, I'm not making as much money as I would like, but I am enjoying it. The reason that I really need money is because I had to use the $600 that my parents gave me for rent for the rest of the summer on fixing my car after the accident (plus some extra expenses). Hopefully I will make another $70 dollars before the end of the month, this is a little too hopeful since I only have two shifts left, and neither are closing.
School is about the same, ok. I got a B+ on my second test of the semester, and now I need to study harder to get an A on the final. I really need an A in the class to boost my in major GPA, which isn't that good, since my electives are saving my overall gpa. I can't wait until the final, cause after that I will finally have a break from school.
The roommates are great. It is wonderful rooming with a close friend, and another friend. No major conflicts have arisen, and I'm not harboring any bad feelings (which is new for me). In fact, after a bad day at work, it is great to come home to either Harry or Pammy and complain about it. After the horrible Friday, Harry made me smail by opening our frig, newly stocked with beer and him telling me to help myself.
The only better thing would be being able to vent to a significant other.
Unfortunately, nothing new has developed on that front. I am still single. My comfort with that still fluctuates on a daily basis. On bad days I want to just complain on this, but I don't want to turn this into a "why don't I have a boyfriend, oh woo is me," kind of thing, because that is not who I am. Sure, I have my moments, but I really am happy with my life, I just know that it could be better. It could also be a whole lot worse. Once again the worse thing is no options. The two guys that I like/really interested in, are both in long lasting, commited relationships, and I refuse to be that girl in the middle.
Spirtually, I can't really decide. I have had bad dreams lately, but can't remember them. She is gone most of the time, doing who knows what. The cat is just sitting in her den, sometimes pacing when she knows that I'm looking in on her. But he is once again tormenting me. I already know that August is not going to be a good month. I need to do some research and meditation to see what his next move is. I thought that four months would be enough to find him, but not so much. Once again I wish he was here, or someone was here, so that I wouldn't only know that the demon loves me in this life.
The goal is not as good as I wish it was. I keep gaining three lbs, and losing it, then gaining. I haven't gotten below 193 all summer. Currently I'm at 195, so I hope that maybe this week I will get to 190. I'm just planning on dieting and working out until I get to the goal. We'll see how long it takes.
That's about it. Look for more posts later :-) I have stuff I want to post, but haven't gotten around to it. |
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| A little change |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|01:43 am] |
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In my procrastination from studying, I changed around the settings. Not so sure if I like them. Need comments for advice on whether this set-up should stay or go. |
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